the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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