You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
