When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
