This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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