my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
