i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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