at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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