I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
