Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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