Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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