I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Randomize
