He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize