so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize