you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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