We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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