Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
