I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
