Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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