The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
