Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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