i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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