I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
His hands were made for my vagina.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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