What a fucking waste of an outfit
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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