i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
