man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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