What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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