Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
