they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
