im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
