Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize