i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
