She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Randomize
