I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
