I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
