I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
