Your mouth is God's brothel.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
How does one acquire holy water?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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