If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
