Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
