I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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