this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize