i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
