i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
