Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
