i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
