It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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