This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
