please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
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