I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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