The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
