I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
My brain says no but my pants say off.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize