im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
