So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
People in love make me want to vomit
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
