That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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