...so i touched it.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize