i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
please come you make the beer taste better
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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