we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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