My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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