miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
