he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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