I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
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