After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
It's no shave November. This is our time.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
