just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
