My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
