Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
