1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
