He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
