My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
