I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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