You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
