Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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